Here on Ain't No Mom Jeans, there is much talk about ways to cover our poochy stomach while clothed. We've flattened it with shaper camis, distracted the eye with deep v-necks and fun swingy tops...but baring it all in a swimsuit requires actual...baring. {shudder}
Stomach flab is one thing. But a post-partum stomach? It's something else altogether. It's no ordinary flab. It's formidable.
Here are ten tips, purely subjective, but based on endless rounds of trial and error...
1. Tankinis Are Not Necessarily Your Friend
General stomach flabbiness? Hello, Tankini. Want to cover stretch marks? Tankini, I'm talking to you. But a serious post-partum stomach? Tankinis aren't going to help. These things are cute, but not nearly supportive enough to reign in the belly. You end up looking pregnant. Observe:
(wearing: J.Crew Seersucker striped tankini and ruched Betty tank top)
Thanks to reader Audrey, I'm totally intrigued by Hapari's Tummy Tuk Bikini bottoms. While I wouldn't wear these alone, wearing one under a tankini might be the way to avoid those awkward "Pregnant? No." discussions...
Has anyone tried them? They may be worth a shot for $28.
2. Even Shaper Swimwear Lets You Down
I love the look of this one-piece from Land's End....but on, the smooth, solid color belly was horrifying. Not only did I look pregnant, I looked bloated pregnant - tummy control panel or no (so bad that I "forgot" to take pics). Again, for general flab, this suit would be great, but it couldn't stand up to a post-partum tummy.
3. High-Waisted Bikini Bottoms? For Some....
You know those retro bikinis with the super high waist? I had high hopes for this silhouette. Sadly, I'm too short-waisted (the front view is disaster). However, it did a decent job of...well, not hiding the pooch, but distracting from it. I think there's potential here for some post-partum moms...
(wearing: J.Crew retro dot underwire top and highwaisted bottoms)
4. Color-Blocking Sorta Works!
So in the same vein as a high-waisted bikini but with more coverage...is a color-blocked swimsuit. A color blocked swimsuit spoofs the highwaist and does a decent job of pooch hiding. Voila....
(wearing: kushcush nautical one-piece from anthropologie)
5. Distract With Prints
Overall, I found that printed pieces did a much better job of pooch hiding than solids. Even horizontal stripes were surprisingly effective at distracting the eye from the pooch. But that darn side view - still not great. Per usual.
(wearing: Pez D'Or's Color Pop Maillot from Anthropologie)
6. Your Best Bet? Ruche It All In
There is no doubt that the clear winner for pooch hiding is a tummy-control ruched one-piece. The ruching simultaneously hides and reigns in the pooch - even a post-partum one. For serious pooch-control, try Miraclesuit's Sonatina swimsuit, $132, pictured. I also love J.Crew's Ruched Halter, $82.
For another option, I'm sure that most of you have seen my red, retro-inspired little number from Lands End. LOVE.
Look for one with ruching all the way down the stomach. Us post-partum gals need more than just a ruched belt.
7. A Word of Caution on Retro-Inspired Swimwear
Retro cuts are nice because they offer a bit more thigh and bum coverage. However, because they hit at the widest part of your thigh, they can often draw the eye right to the problem area. The good news is that these suits are often ruched, and have a ton of fabric to play with. So try pulling the suit down a bit lower (dress-like) or up higher to elongate the thigh.
Reader Daisy* and I were discussing this phenomenon via email. She graciously offered up a few pics illustrating the various levels of thigh coverage....as long as I kept her identity top-secret.
*not her real name. But I think you knew that already.
(wearing: Carmen Marc Valvo retro one piece)
8. Take the Plunge
This tip makes no sense. But totally works. We've talked about M's crazy-sexy-hot American Apparel suit last year - remember? It's cut up to here, plunges to there and she swore it was amazingly flattering during her trip to Mexico at 6 months post-partum.
For fun, I thought I'd put M's tip to the test, and try out another plunge-to-there suit (with slightly more coverage).
Mike and I both loved it. Yikes.
M's right - the plunging neckline distracts from whatever poochiness is going on...and these suits would be even better in black.
M's suit is only $45...and the clear winner here. It's not for lounging at the kiddie pool, mind you. Just for...uh...wearing around the house? wink wink
Or going to Mexico.
(wearing: Lenny's Plunging Halter Maillot from Anthropologie)
9. Get a Gorgeous Cover-Up
No matter what suit you choose, there's probably going to be a time when you lose your nerve. Hello, gorgeous cover-up. M found some amazing ones in her post-partum trip to Mexico article, and me? I burn easily, so love grabbing one of Mike's shirts. Lots of coverage, always a little sexy.
10. Let it All Hang Out (and wear what you love)
Part of me will always feel old in a one-piece. Even a fabulous one. To be honest, I'm starting to get over the whole MUST COVER THE POOCH thing. I mean...yeah, I'd rather not have one...but it's not like I'm dieting or working out like crazy or even doing that post-partum stomach binding stuff to get rid of it. So how committed am I to being pooch-less?
Evidently not very.
The truth is, in a bikini, I still look a little pregnant. Even worse, in certain light it looks a bit like elephant skin. (To quote my mother, "It's hell to get old.") And wearing one out sometimes elicits annoying "When are you due?" comments. Regardless of how I look, I feel younger in a bikini. This may change eventually. But for now I feel more like myself. And what's wrong with that? As Raines would say, "Nuffin."
(wearing: on me - a striped bikini from Target, on R - Hanna Andersen swim trunks)
My cousin was right, oh-so-many years ago when she warned that my body will never be the same, but I won't care...much.
xo,
S
